I have been cheated. CHEATED!

"Woman," I said. "It's that time of the month again."

She screwed up her face and said, "Dood. Really. Just go eat something junky and watch a soap opera. I don't need the gory details."

"Not THAT kind of time of month. Jeebus. I meant that this is the time of month when I get paid. And there are things I would like to purchase with the money I earned from my books."

"Yeah. Well. About that."

"I want my money, Woman," I said sternly.

She sighed hard. "Well, here's the thing. I know how much you love the boobies--"

"I do love the boobies. What's that got to do with my royalty monies?"

"--and this weekend I was out working the boobie walk, and well, we ran out of beef jerky to hand out to the walkers and the crew people who really seemed to like beef jerky."

"I don't like where this is going."

"They REALLY liked it, Max. So I went to the store and bought these jerky-like meat sticks to give them."

"MY MONEY BOUGHT REAL LIVE FRESH DEAD MEAT THAT I DIDN'T GET TO EAT???"

"Kind of," she said carefully. "You bought meaty things for boobie walkers."

"For walkers."

"Yes. And they really appreciated it, dood. They get a lot of candy and stuff along the way, so a meaty treat is just something special. And you bought it for them."

"So. It was something no one else was giving them?"

"Yep. I honestly didn't think you would mind, seeing as how they were walking a lot of miles to save the boobies you love so much."

I sighed hard, because what's a guy to do?

I hope those boobie people liked that meat, because now I can't buy that ACME Opposable Thumb Kit, and I was really looking forward to owning one.

Since it was for the boobies...fine.

But next time she better ask first.